Silent Screams Inc.

Resources For Survivors 

Gentle tears were rolling down my face when I was first told of my diagnosis. I didn’t know what to do, how to think. Thoughts started bombarding my mind. What do I do now? What do I need to change? Who do I tell? How should I feel, etc? My thoughts didn’t know where to go, where to park.

The doctors had just completed a procedure, Transesophageal Electrocardiogram, to determine if surgery would benefit my health situation. The procedure went well but the diagnosis didn’t. Surgery was either too dangerous, or it would not work. The doctor estimated that without surgery I had only a certain amount of years left. That was a big pill to swallow. Of course, I planned to get a second opinion. What do you do when you are given a terminal diagnosis? There’s no right response to a terminal diagnosis. Denial, anger, fear, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and confusion are just some of the emotional battles. It is common not to initially accept the diagnosis.

After the procedure and learning my diagnosis I went home. Still dizzy from the procedure, I laid on my couch. In my dizziness I talked to God and asked Him, “God, what do I do?” In my spirit I felt Him say, “Keep doing what you are doing.” I could do that, but my immediate challenge was how do I keep my thoughts intact and not allow the diagnosis of dying – in months or years consume my mind. He must have intervened because, to my surprise, it was not hard at all. If I concentrated on not changing my daily routine, I was fine. In fact, it was easy. Sometimes I forget about the diagnosis altogether and that feels good! My body began to feel better as well. Wow!

Read More