My Story Part 3 – Sunday Mourning ***
The next morning was my Sunday to serve as a minister on the Purple Team at church. “He is not taking this away from me too; I am going to church and serving as a minister.” I rose from my sleepless bed, proceeded to get ready for church. It took me a bit longer to get dressed to serve at church 6am that Sunday. I was in pain. I poured bath water and sat in the water, numb, dazed, and bewildered at what just happened a few hours earlier that Saturday evening. Tremendous pain gripped my body as I sat in the water. It felt as if my insides were torn to shreds. But I was this strong servant of God. Nothing was going to stop me. I had to forge forward. Push through. Yea, right!
Team members knew something was wrong when I sat in my usual seat. My countenance had changed. The light was gone from my eyes. The joy was gone from my face. Death had gripped my soul. My life was forever changed from the night before.
Sunday afternoon at the insistence of my BFF I called the authorities and filed a report. Immediately the police came to my home, took my statement took pictures of the crime scene and called the crime victims advocate department. The crime victims’ advocate was there in minutes. She sat next to me during the questioning and then took me to Parkland Hospital. Why Parkland when there were so many other hospitals closer to Cedar Hill? Parkland was one of the only two hospitals out of 47 hospitals in Dallas County that had rape kits. The crime victims’ advocate stayed with me the entire time and brought me home. She called me often and helped me through the process and my journey of restoration.
Later in the Week
Today is not starting off too good at all. I do not feel well at all. My insides hurt today. It is a cramping in my abdomen. I need to call and get the results of the test taken at the emergency room on Sunday. My blood pressure is high. I never have high blood pressure, except when I have a stroke. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!! My world is ripped apart and destroyed. The foundation I stand on has exploded from under me and I am in a crevice of darkness.
I push to go to work. I push to go to church. I push to act normal. I push to live. I want my life back. Is it gone forever, never to return? At home behind closed doors, I cannot push. Bewilderment, numbness, confusion, fear, depression, memory loss, and association traumas were unwanted companions. I feel disoriented, disconnected and numb. My thoughts are scrambled in mush. I cannot think straight. My body is extremely weak. All I do is lay down when I’m home, sleepless. I just want to sleep. All I want to do is sleep. My mind is mush. My body and mind are dislocated and disassociated from each other. They are not in sink. God, I need help.
Someone needs to acknowledge that I was assaulted, and it was wrong. Tumbwehx needs to be made accountable for what he did. I hate this interference in my life. This assault is on my mind always. I wish I could erase it and start over again. I wish it would just disappear from my life. With every peck on the keyboard I hate it. One day there will be no more pecks. Is this helping me? I hope so.
Next Part 4 – Oh God! He’s on my bus…….
I feel so hurt for every person assaulted and had to live with pain, fear and asking themselves why me? Sometimes tears rolls down when I hear of another assault & flash back comes ? What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn’t I see this coming? Where is my protector and why I feel like people didn’t understand my story of truth? Or how could this happened to me when I trusted the person? I had faith then and now so why? We seem to ask why me and blame ourselves ? But in truth you or anyone else didn’t do anything wrong or deserved this kind of pain , shame or life turned upside down . It puts you on guard not trusting anyone and especially people who you thought would understand and havre compassion and some may havre been people who suppose to understand and have compassion regardless of what took place! Sometimes people can be judge mental without facts of truth! God heals all pain in due season and make you stronger for his purpose and vision and to help others in pain! No one period deserves for their bodies to be invaded by unwanted people who had no right for access! No one should have to live a torment reminder of what God didn’t purpose ! May God continues to use you to be a blessing to hurting people! May the word you have inside of you continues ! I have been so blessed by your classes of truth ! You’re an awesome person! Highly respected God Bless
Hi Linda, Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and your heart of empathy. God bless you abundantly.