Twelve Years Later, Was It Worth It!

It has been twelve years since the assault and nine and a half years since the trial. I ask myself was it worth it to speak up? Recovering from a vicious attack has taken me many more years than I expected. The attack caused much deeper damage than I realized. Was it worth it to go public and press charges against the man, a church elder that viciously raped me? Was it worth it to have to leave my church relationship and  the fellowships I once had? The cynical and disparaging attitude of the church leadership made it very uncomfortable and more traumatic for me; a second trauma. I lost the life I once knew and had to rebuild my soul. Was it worth it to go through years of emotional and mental challenges, psychological trauma?

To Speak or Not to Speak – If I did not press charges the rapist would have continued on his path of destruction, infecting women with AIDS. If I did not press charges the investigation would not have transpired that revealed the serious health condition of this man, a danger to society. Was it worth to give up my privacy and expose myself to public vulnerability? Was it worth it to hear and read the media interpretation of the rape and how they erroneously linked me with the rapist as a couple? Was it worth it to sit on the witness stand and face the defense attorney as he painted a picture of a woman who was sex starved. She was so sex starved that she wanted this man, even though she knew he was diseased. He then said, she then regretted it and cried rape? Was it worth it to sit there and listen to his attacks on my character and then be forced to tell the horrid details of the vicious attack?

Yes, it was worth it. If just one woman because of the publicity decided to get check for AIDS, it was worth it. If just one woman was saved from the horrors of rape it was worth it. If just one woman gained courage to speak up against her assailant, it was worth it? If my speaking up encouraged other women to take a stand, it was worth it. Yes, it was worth it. It was worth it to take a stand for what is right, justice and truth, to boldly face the evils of rape! It is worth it to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves and for those for whatever reason who must remain silent in their pain. It was worth it all!

Silent Screams Inc. is a resource service for sexual assault survivors. Our Mission is to embrace, encourage, empower and inform survivors of sex crimes and to educate and engage the community in creating a positive change in the life of survivors and the life of the community. Silent Screams has a virtual network of professionals, support groups and advocates ready to assist survivors in overcoming the effects of sexual assaults. Contact us if you need our services. Contact Number: 855-744-5550, email: [email protected] .

National Sexual Assault Hotline: RAINN –, contact number 800-656- Hope (4673)
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